Grieving the Death of a Relationship

breakup-gives-its-own-sad-effects

 

Relationship never dies a natural death.. They are murdered    by ego, attitude and ignorance.                                                                                                  ~ Unknown

 

 

Have you ever experienced an intense sorrow? Ever known what suffering with a sense of ruin is like? Ever shared part of the self with another only to realize that to hold onto that shared relationship will create further misery?

It’s never easy to understand how relationships gone bad tend to result in a deep and mournful grief. Grief is all around us. When a relationship ends, dissolves and creates internal angst, there is only one path to take.

It is time for a relationship with yourself. This type of grief invites and demands the depths of personal confrontation. It is far easier to do the jump from one relationship to another. Serial monogamy is better than meeting and dating the self.

I suggest if you are mourning the end of a relationship, to confront yourself about what went wrong and how you participated in the demise of your relationship.

7 questions to ask yourself:

(This is a time for honesty)

1. What are the physical, emotional or psychological similarities that your ex had with others? (Think parents, siblings, aunts, uncles etc) There is a lot of information here!

2. What was lost inside of the you that got disowned? (Think deeper)

3. How did sex change as the relationship changed? (Be honest here!)

4. What role did sex play in the relationship: did you use it to diffuse issues? (How else was it used?)

5. What attempts did you make to reconcile or change the relationship? Was this a real attempt or an attempt out of choosing the status quo?

6. If blame is taken off the table, what part of you participated in the break-up? (Take a look at a mirror)

7. If dating yourself is an opportunity to understand the choices made in the future, what kind of time needs to be devoted to dating yourself before moving on to real dating? (How long can you keep a plant alive?)

There are choices. There is a learning curve here. You can continue to repeat the same pattern or do it differently. Don’t stay in the fear of the dark. When darkness of grief appears, it is an opportunity to meet the parts of yourself that have been unknown.

Open each eye to see what is needed to see. Meet  yourself and have an opportunity to be in the grief differently. The grief becomes a place of learning and evolution. Move from Grief to Grace!

Comments

  1. I hope commentd are published on the page.
    I am not sure if my story fits your post… but i need to tell my story… My parents divorced when i was 9 and at that time in my opinion my father was the only responsible .
    When I was 15. I dated a 23 year old guy. Like my father he had done highschool and that’s it. Their dads died when they were young. But unlike my dad the guy I was dating had a gr8 job as a computer repairer hardware and software. . He was so smart.. and thank to his boss who teached him.. and he was soooo kind.
    It was hard to believe for me…
    I was never able to express my feeling and emotions to him. Though I was flattered that I was dating him.
    No communication. Then comes a time where I started thinking that he wants us to break up. Which I did to avoid myself the embarrassment. I felt down.. depressed…
    Then I went dating a series of guys. Forgot most of them now. Without really thinking about what happened.
    But missing him from time to time. But when I started needing a real relationship. His image in my mind became so idealized that I was feeling more down.
    ” I ruined evrything, I’ll die alone.” And at sometime I was feeling guilty because I didnt act with him as the loving person that I would have liked to be. Now I am 22. And by reading what you wrote Eddy, I can tell that I am still mourning. Anw I just knew that he got engaged and he’s happy… Thanks to facebook…. So now I shouldn’t feel guilty anymore.
    How come this long… the grief… any comment?

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