My issue is my mom died at a very young age due to alcoholism and the advice of the family at the time when she was alive was to distance from her and she’d come around. Well, that didnt work. She passed away and now that my Dad has passed away I feel guilt grieving for him more and not as much her due to her illness at the time. I love them equally in fact it was mainly my mom who kept the family together during abuses and such until I was old enough to move out. There’s much more to it but she is as big a part of me as he is. I only seem to miss him more because more time as passed for her passing, than for his I tthink also.
Thanks for your comment. We all grieve differently for the people who we have lost in our lives. There are many variables that effect the way any one of us grieve. Guilt is part of grief. Alcoholism is a terrible illness. Though it sounds as if you loved your mother, you did not love her illness- and why would you? Protecting the self is very important and the advice to protect yourself by keeping a distance from your mom, was most likely given with your emotional safety in mind. You could not have known how much her illness would take over. Remember her for the strength she had in fighting the abuses that occurred in the family. Sounds like she was quite a force to be reckoned with. Try not to gauge the degree of mourning you are experiencing as an examination of how much you loved either parent. You know what it is to love a parent, even while witnessing the effects of the disease of alcoholism.
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