The Therapy Journey & The Hidden Agenda

Enter the journey of therapy. Allow the demon of amnesia to be replaced by memory so that you can be set free.

“I don’t remember anything. Can you please help me to remember. It is all a blank. I feel like I know something. I feel it in my body. An internal knowing haunts me to the point that at times I cannot sleep. I know that something went terribly wrong a long time ago. I cannot place it. There is not a face attached to the pain. I do not have a voice attached to the ugliness that is embedded in my soul. Yet, I can tell you that at times it tastes salty, like blood, and at other times it smells like someone who has not showered in a very long time. I can tell you that relationships are very difficult for me. There is an insidious feeling that won’t rest, knocking, knocking, knocking at the internal emotions held within for so long. I cannot rest. I cannot share anything. I feel pretty worthless. Can you help me to remember?”

She cried to me as she spoke, sharing her story and making me a witness to a piece of her that she cannot even access. It gnaws at her and creates a jagged edge in her heart.

What can I say to help? How can she access the hidden memories that have abandoned her as a means to protect her, really not meant to hurt her at all.

I listen. I sit with her. I acknowledge her pain. I feel her tears. I begin to help her help herself  by remembering those parts of her life that were good. Supporting her need to  remember those times in her life when she felt content. We need to find safety, either in her memory banks or created in the therapeutic and sacred space. The space is defined by 4 walls and a room that has heard it all and remains silent. This will take time. We must journey together, telling the amnesia demon that we are more powerful than it understands and we will ultimately win.

The conversation begins. A deathing takes place. A birthing emerges. The birth of a memory allows the death of amnesia. Not unlike Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, who held the answers to her survival in her ruby slippers, yet needed to go through the obstacles and tests, to finally be able to go home- survivors, by their very nature hold the ruby slippers, even when they are unaware of the existence of the slippers.

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