Do You Have a Complex?


complexIn therapy today, yes, the therapist does see a therapist, we were talking about how complexes hold court within the soul. You might ask, “What is a complex?” In layman’s terms it is an unconscious pattern of emotions and desires that are at the core of who we are and they exist even though we are unaware of why they exist.

An example of a complex would be as follows: if your mother died when you were young, this death would affect you for the rest of your life in an intense way. The degree of the intensity may not affect the power of your success,  however it could affect how you think, relate to others or  experience jealousy, rage, and a lost sense of self. If you are bothered by the emotional intrusions, this is a complex.

A complex is our blind spot. Not seen. Not heard. It is a feeling that “something” has gotten out of control. Yet, we do know its there. It shows itself to the core when behavior is off kilter. It is a reminder of pain from our past, silences that echoed in our homes, deafening psychological verbal abuse that rendered us helpless. They are the same for everyone. They are different for everyone.

Once the complex is exposed you can no longer go dumb about it. You might find that you have contracted a form of amnesia around the complex, wishing to stay asleep, so that you don’t have to see.  To see a complex you must include a witness as part of the process. The witness is often a therapist, however can be a trusted friend or family member. Like being pricked by a thorn, you awaken, birthing part of you that has been dormant yet silently enacted.

What happens to you when you have a fight with someone? For me, my throat closes, I become mute. That muteness is part of a complex from my past. Something I was told. Some oral history I held onto and made my own. You cannot speak and you will not be heard.  We all have complexes and the feeders to them are as individual as your fingerprint.

To leave the intensity of the complex requires that witness. It also requires risk. The desire to risk being seen by yourself and then by others is also part of learning to live with the integration of the complex: moving from blindness to sight.

How do you move out of the status quo from being deaf and dumb to opening your souls safe house in order to explore the depths of being present and aware?


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