The ability to sustain sexual intimacy within a long term relationship or marriage is challenging. Couples often forget how to engage in conversation, touch, play, and humor when it comes to sex. Focusing on the verbal and non-verbal cues is necessary in keeping the intimate interactions alive. Here are some ways that you and your partner can reignite your desire and meet the people you have become. This is a chance for you both to move from apathy to awareness.
Here are 5 tools to enhance your sexual intimacy with your partner:
1. Leave negativity at the door. Imagine a time when sex and intimacy was good. Find a quiet time to share that memory.
2. Set aside alone time to become reacquainted with desires and fantasies. When ready, share them.
3. Talk honestly within the partnership about the hopes for sexual reengagement. Is there fear? Or anxiety? Describe in detail what gets in the way.
4. Foreplay is part of sex. It does not have to start with touch. Try a longer gaze than is normal, a new perfume or cologne, a conversation that has nothing to do with the kids or a shared bath.
5. If having pity sex, stop it. Decide to have sex that is only worth having. Nothing kills a relationship like pity sex. It keeps you in control and your partner knows it. This cannot lead to intimate sex. It can lead to the death of the relationship. Talk to your partner about sex that is worth having. You might be surprised to find that you can have what you want.
It is easy to get into a cycle of avoidance when it comes to sex. Excuses for the lack of healthy, sexual intimacy can be countered by a desire to do it differently.