Holidays. Here they are! Screaming at me to pay attention. To celebrate…what?
From the TV: “Hi, remember me- I am Thanksgiving being advertised in September and I am Christmas begging you to buy in October. Come to me. Come and celebrate…it is time to buy, buy, buy and after you buy it is time to EAT and EAT and EAT. “
Me: “Can’t I shut you off?”
“No! If you turn on the radio, you will hear my pleas. If you walk down the street you will see my ads. If you drive in your car you will see signage begging you to take the next exit to shop for the best deals….”
Me: “ This is not the holiday I remember. Aren’t the holidays supposed to be about being mindful of family, friends and the self? Isn’t it a time to remember the rituals and traditions created by our ancestors? Doesn’t this time of year beg for a commitment of 10 minutes or 30 minutes of silence to remember those we have loved and lost? Isn’t it a time to reconnect with the aspects of ourselves that we have loved and lost?
“No, no- don’t you understand that this is a time of splurging. You know how good it feels to spend what you don’t have, eat what you don’t need, obsess about the objects that clutter and cause havoc in your home. Come on, one and all, enjoy the pleasures that I promise you, making your depression, your anxiety lift, even if just for a minute…don’t worry about the desperation of a credit card that you won’t be able to pay off until the next holiday season when the entire rampage begins again. I assure you that I will remind you of all of the holiday glee until…”
Me: “ Oh my, I must shut you down before you begin. I see it all before me. I see you for who you are. How could I have been so blind all of these years. You continue to put an array of obstacles in my way so I can remain blind, and in a bind. I see that you want me to soothe my lost soul by filling it up with lies, and deals, and things. These “objects”, oh the indiscriminate things, that I will realize, albeit, too late, that I don’t need, don’t want and cannot make me feel any differently about myself. The only way I will have a different relationship with me is when I stand up to myself, and soberly look at me in the mirror.”
“Hey, come on. You are being too hard on yourself. It’s the holidays. Throw out the mirror. Just have fun. EAT, SPEND, be in excess…be in the moment…”
Me: “ Yes, you are right, I choose to be in the moment. I choose to take this moment and be alive in it differently. It is my moment however and not the lure of your moment. Thank you for waking me up to the dilemma of being in the net of your lure and finding immediate comfort or being in my moments of discomfort of meeting the aspects of my self while being committed to my integrity, which is sometimes painful yet necessary. I thank you, Thank You, for being my teacher.”
To celebrate what?
Being.
