Edy Nathan's Blog

The Psychology of Addiction in the Celebrity World

Whitney Houston performs at the Annual American Music Awards in Los Angeles. Photo: AP

Whitney Houston. Amy Winehouse. Michael Jackson. Isn’t it amazing that artists who touch our lives have such tough, unrelenting struggles of their own? The gift that was given to these vocal artists, creators of sound, rhythm and soul, became an Albatross that wore them down, leaving them hopeless, helpless and alone. The legacy left by each of them is staggering. Touching so many of us with the enormity of their talents yet leaving us bereft and confused. How could this happen? How could we not see? How have they been propelled in death to a stature not unlike the Gods in Greek myths while in life they were deposed, down hearted and addicted? Addicted!

Addiction.  The psychology and the cause of addiction in the celebrity world may have more to do with the public life they have chosen then merely addiction as it relates to genetics. Addiction. It is never good.  It is almost impossible to conquer. Addiction. It banishes you from the life you love, the people who love you and the dreams of fulfillment. Chasing you, begging you to continue, convincing you that without it you cannot be. Funny, it is really quite the opposite, isn’t it? Addiction. Without it, you can be! How is it that addiction and its muses have the ability to take the song out of the singer, rendering them silent?

We grieve. We mourn the death of our entertainers, especially the ones, like Whitney Houston, who transported us through her voice in ways that no one could. That is what creates a unique artist. She made it seem as if everything and anything were possible. It was possible to be in a church choir and be discovered. It was possible to get out of Newark, New Jersey. It was possible to look gorgeous. It was possible to make it against all odds.  Addiction returned her to the very roots she tried to leave behind.

Addiction to any drug leads to a psychological death that takes place before the actual dying occurs. Whitney Houston’s death, and the deaths of two other icons, Michael Jackson and Amy Winehouse, reminds us that even when their lives seem charmed, they struggle, and battle with their own gremlins. The fear of making it and not making it is certainly part of the internal mayhem that contributes to the need to disappear into a drug state. The joy of watching fans as they become immersed in their music is in contrast to the internal struggle the artist faces while in a constant state of creation and originality. Find a release and find relief.  Addiction.

When we think about any of the artists we have loved and lost through addiction, please remember your own family and friends who suffer from addiction. Don’t let them disappear in to the depths. Don’t give up.

Lets talk about this. Do you know someone who suffers from addiction? How did Whitney’s death affect you? Who have you lost through an addiction and how did you cope with it?

One day at a time.

In the News: Warren Jeffs Manipulates Sect from within Jail

The psychological make-up of a charismatic leader is fraught with both positive and negative personality traits. The very aspects that enable that leader to draw people in, is the very same psychological factor that enables him to act in ways that are divisive and controlling and fosters a role not unlike that of a dictator. The ability of such leaders to mind map the people who will follow them, enables them to engage in the world in creative and manipulative ways. Hypnotic in their presentation, they create a trance for their followers: that trance is very hard to break through once the trance has been successfully given. The leader is revered. He is seen through rose colored glasses.

Warren Jeffs, is this type of charismatic leader. As he extols orders from his prison cell, those that remain in trance, cannot imagine giving up what has been dictated to them by their leader. A pedophile in action while in plain sight, Jeffs created an environment that allowed for sexual deviant behavior by the men, while the women and girls were stuck believing that there was no way out.  Imprisoned themselves, they had no voice, nor did they even know they could have one!

What his brother, Willie Jessop says is, “You never got to see the man behind the curtain and there were so many curtains and so much secrecy.” Not unlike the unexposed Wizard, in the Wizard of Oz. Yet, once exposed the Wizard from Oz, came out from hiding, with his tail between his legs. Enough of his psyche had one foot in reality: that reality spoke to his lack of sense of self., knowing that the only way he could be heard, and could govern, was behind the curtain. He could not gleen his own sense of self without the safety of that curtain. The Wizard, of course, is a fictional character. Jeffs, is not!

Jeffs is behind the curtain of steel bars and forbidden entre into the world at large, yet his maniacal nature precludes him from letting any of these bars from stopping him.

His trial and subsequent imprisonment did actually awaken some of his followers from their trance. This resulted in 1500 of them being either excommunicated or put on probation by him Some of them have broken up the ”families” that Jeffs ordered were part of God’s will and plan. Some of them have left the order of the church and Jeffs for good. Others, remain in their homes, and who knows what is going on behind those closed doors. The rules set forth by Jeffs with regards to the family life of under aged girls and women, living within the sexual confines and rules do not look to protecting girls from being raped.

Truth is something that we all need in our lives. What is truth? What is the ability to know right from wrong? What is right for you and what is wrong for you? How do people get so lost in what is “GODS” right? Personally, I never knew that there was right for God. How do you help people get out of the trance of deprivation, the trance of living for another in the name of God, and the trance of curtains and secrecy.

AN evolution does need to take place. There are 40,000 members that are part of this church. Most of them have not yet found their voice. They live in fear of Jeffs, and ultimately of God. It is very sad for people to live in such fear. Having fear based lives, lives that are indicted with guilt and shame keeps the trance going.

It seems to me that all people who are entranced by such a leader get hurt, We look at Manson, and we look at Jone’s and now at Jeffs. So much has been lost for the people who engaged with the charisma and the psychological make-up of a dictator. Ultimately, the pathology that Jeffs exhibits as he sits in prison, enables him to continue to rule those that remain in trance.

Let me ask you a question. Have you ever known someone in your life who you felt took your heart and or your freedom, and began to control you? If you have, and you would like to share your story, I would like to hear about it. Are you still in that situation? If not, how did you get out of it?

Libya: The Death of a Dictator

In the news, we hear of Moammar Ghadafi’s death. The definition of a dictator is one who has absolute or despotic control or power. This savage of a man who held a country hostage while he, in his varied sociopathic and demented ways,  believed that he was loved by those he commandeered. The people who fought his dictatorship, did so in different ways. Some by giving up their lives, others by adhering to his rule while fighting it in the secrecy of their homes and others who feigned allegiance while believing something else. Of course there will be some who believe in the quest of one man to have sole proprietorship over the peoples and their country of domain.

What does a country do when they have been dictated to and do not have a recollection of freedom. Hopefully, the union of the people who have been freed will create a powerful democracy that they define for themselves.

I say hopefully because often when one regime ends there is a resurgence of another regime- a regime takes over so quickly that the population of fighters do not even have a chance to recoup their lost freedom, finding themselves once again in the tight fisted rules created by another power hungry, usually enigmatic jokester. Making them believe that with the impending leadership all will be well. Freedom will be held, honored, ever- respected. Meanwhile, once again in the state of foolery and innocence, the trickery begins again.  The wheel of unfortunate fortune barrels down the forsaken futures of hope held by the manifesters of freedom. Freedom is once again only for the privileged.

What are the psychological effects when a country is held in a perpetual state of imprisonment? A state where there are no choices? A state where murder, violence and idol threats are part of the diet of the culture? Really not unlike the Hitlerian rule: to survive you had to pretend to agree with the politics of the ruler. If you did not show allegiance toward the ruler, you were shot, tortured, killed maimed or all of the above.  You join the regime to become cellophane within the culture. Do not be seen. Hide in plain site.  No chance for individual thought, a sense of autonomy or even the ability to know who you are.  What chance is there for personality to develop when the commander of the country tells you what to think, how to think and when to think it?  Hiding belief systems, fear over-riding every thought, stress that leads to paranoia, internal trauma, aka PTSD and all of these have a chance to  become an intrinsic part of the personality development of a culture.

What happens when you have not experienced freedom and in an instant you are free. Ghadafi made everyone afraid of him yet, in his most exposed moment, the time of his death, a death seemingly applauded by his countrymen, they are not left  healed in the instant of his death. Their ability to trust does not immediately come into their fractured spirit.

When death, destruction and fear based laws are inscribed in the way of life, it would seem that before freedom is understood and created, the survivors of the dictators’ rule would need an emotional debriefing. It is a time for the surviving culture to understand the new roles and opportunities now available to them as part of the post-mortem of the fallen dictatorship.

Trust. Anxiety. Fear. Nightmares. All of these will be part of their healing process. If they can heal through some of the trauma of survivorship, they can begin their individual journey of being curious about what life could be like for them. It can begin a time of inquisitiveness, the exploration of the souls journey and the patching of a culture where the cloth of death, spotted with the blood and torture of many, has time to mend.

It is not about forgetting, yet learning to remember peacefully.

Wizard of Oz Series: Part 4, The Yellow Brick Road

Running from life is what

The Ruby Slippers have been forced upon Dorothy. There is no choice in the
matter when Glenda magically adorns her feet with them. She replaces the shoes of
a girl with the shoes of an older, more mature adult. Though they fit her, she has not
yet grown into them.
This initiation is the entry point for her moving into her dark night of the
soul. In Dorothy’s case, this journey begins when her anger transports her from
the safety of home into an unknown land where she must meet her emerging
autonomous self, The dramatic change in her life is actually the death of life as she
knew it.
Her journey into the unknown is the beginning of a life-changing event.
She will never be the same. This is ok!
It is a journey that is fostered by self-doubt, a fragmented sense of self, and
fear of moving out of the current state of being. The greatest fear about moving out
of what we know is moving into that which is unilluminated, unmapped, with no
apparent direction or guidelines or rules. The anxiety and fear that surfaces while in
this current of an underworld journey pushes to shift emotional and maturational
stagnation.

At what point in your life have you felt that there were no rules, or maps to follow?

How did the mystery of the unknown feel to you?

What did you do to handle your fear and anxiety as it surfaced?

The yellow brick road, though filled with the brilliance of that spectacular
yellow, is also blinding. Often we see before us so many brick roads. The plethora
of choices is certainly overwhelming. How to pick just one? How to pick the right
one? Will it matter which one is chosen? Are they all the correct path, taking you In
different directions and ultimately teaching you the same lessons? The choosing of a
path is filled with questions and not many solid answers.
When there are no expectations for the ending then all possibilities can
occur. When you have an expectation of what you want the outcome to be, and
believe that any other outcome will lead to disappointment: negative self-chatter
will certainly be an integral part of this path. It may also stop your progress,
altogether!
To stop the negative self -chatter it is of utmost importance to replace
the chatter with positive affirmations that you believe in. IF you are saying the
affirmations simply because you are told to repeat them, you are acting as-if, and
though acting as-if can work, it is far better to ascertain what affirmations feel truly
good to you, and then to speak them to your inner soul: the one who hears!
For Dorothy, if she allows her chatter of fear to stop her from forging ahead
into unknown territory then indeed she will stagnate in her growth and maturation
process. She will be inhibited from experiencing all that life has to offer.

Inhibitions are broken when you break through fear. As afraid as Dorothy is,
she takes the exaltation and excitement shared with her from the Munchkins and
Glenda, as if they are “GOOD MOTHERS”, and begins her journey into the unknown!
Every journey we take is a journey of unknowns. We form attachments
around what we know. When is it indeed time to get in touch with the autonomous
self in order for attachment to the self and others to occur in healthy ways.

What is the most fearful aspect of taking a journey on an unknown path?

Have you ever felt that you were sure of what the outcome would be only to be
surprised that things did not turn out as you had planned?

When do things actually turn out as planned? And when they do, how does it
feel to you? And when they don’t how does that feel to you?

When was the last time you ventured out of your comfort zone?

What do you need to do to begin to tempt your discomfort by finding new
pathways?

Write to yourself about this aspect of your journey. Share your journey with
me.

Tell me about your Yellow Brick Road

The Wizard of Oz Series: Part 3

The story of the Wizard of Oz takes us through an array of emotional complexities. Be aware of how you see yourself as we delve further into the next aspect of the story- Dorothy is swept up into the tornado or cyclone, as it is referred to in the book, the internal driving anger is powerful as it moves her into another realm.

As Dorothy gets caught up in the wind of the tornado, as hard as she tries to get back home to the safety of the storm door and the basement, she does not make it. The angst that she feels does not allow her to reach the safety of home until she goes through her developmental process of enlightenment. This is a process that she is unable to do “at home”, rather she needs to experience the underworld of her psyche in order to find the internal home of awareness and self confidence. A death must occur as part of her birthing process.

We are introduced to the land of the Munchkins where the Wicked Witch of the East has reigned for years. While under her domain they were kept in psychological imprisonment. The Munchkins gleefully tell Dorothy that she is responsible for killing this Witch. When she cries that she did not kill her, it is of no import because her house of origin plopped right down on the Wicked Witch, killing her and setting the Munchkins free!

Dorothy is now faced with meeting good and evil. These archetypes of good and evil, as represented by Glenda, the good Witch and the two evil witches, the Wicked Witch of the East and the Wicked Witch of the West symbolically represent the good and evil we face in our psychological and literal lives.

The Wicked Witch of the West, the surviving wicked witch, tells Dorothy that her hard work of discovery and growth are not done yet, as there are more obstacles along the way- she is one of them.

* Have you ever been so angry that you wanted to lash out?

* Who in your life chastises you to the point of that emotional outpouring?

* What circumstances in your life make you feel that you are misunderstood, leaving you with fear and ambivalence?

Finding herself catapulted into the land of good and evil, Dorothy is horrified that the house has killed the witch. Though the cheerleaders, in the form of the munchkins, are overjoyed with relief because she has killed the very witch they have feared. The killing of the witch is the killing of some part of Dorothy. The part of her that must be killed off so she can journey forth into her next personal adventure, is the child in her, the emerging young woman who is finding her own voice and authenticity. She must learn to deal with her anger as a means to being set free. She does this by stepping into her power.

She does not realize that she carries any power within her.

* Do you know how you carry your own personal power?

* How do you use your voice to speak your truth? Do you even know what your truth is?

It is hard to know what we truly feel because we have worked hard to please others as a way to just get by. When this personal protocol is employed, the psychological effects keep our truths aligned with others yet sacrifices the soul of the self. The intangible soul is colored by choices made in life.

The only one who knows that Dorothy has the ability to be authentic, self-determined and confident is Glenda, the good witch. The all encompassing good Mother! It only takes one person in our lives to believe in us. If we have that, no matter who it is, we can find our path to being mindful of our soul’s work and our souls voice! This leads to being authentic and real.

When Glenda magically removes the Ruby Slippers from the Witch of West’s feet, it is that act that declares her belief in Dorothy to have the self-determination, the ultimate confidence and the ability to conquer the journey before her.

Dorothy must get over the death of the witch before she can continue on with her journey. She must be willing to mourn the death of the part of her that keeps her from moving into the new realm of having a relationship with the magic of her soul. Ultimately, becoming acquainted with all the different parts of her emotional, physical and soulful being.

She does not know the power she carries.

* What power do you carry within you?

* In what way are you stuck in the past, unable to move forward, allowing yourself to be in the delight of your awareness and authenticity?

Write to me and share your thoughts about this journey. Try journalling about your own relationship with your soul, your emotions and your body.

How does your anger, or any powerful emotion, get in the way of your growth, your self-confidence and your joy?

What must you mourn to help move you to the next part of your souls journey?

The Psychology of Metamorphosis: From Crumbs to Cookies

Metamorphosis. Moving from one stage into another stage. Change. The ability to move from a stage that is psychologically stagnate to a stage of understanding that you have the fortitude to blossom, allowing for you to birth out of dormancy.  Here is a story. See where you fit in the story. How can you metamorphosize your sense of self? It takes insight, self-confidence and risk!

Once upon a time there was a little girl who was walking on a path. She was quite an observant little girl, and saw that as she walked there were cookie crumbs lining the very walkway she was on. She began to pick up the crumbs, realizing that these were chocolate cookie crumbs. One by one, she picked up the crumbs, ate them and felt instantly satisfied by the savory flavor in her mouth.

She went along this path for years. Each time she walked it, she picked up the crumbs, held them in her hands and ate them. She was proud of herself that she was able to have parts of a cookie, enjoy whatever she could get, sometimes with the added surprise of an actual piece of chocolate hidden in one of the crumbs.

Then one day, while walking along the path, she saw another person walking along the same path she had been taking for years.   Yet, this person, another woman was not bending down every few minutes to pick up crumbs, instead she was eating a WHOLE COOKIE! She was beside herself. How was it possible that after all of these years, while walking the path, she never realized that she could have a whole cookie?

While she continued to walk the path, feeling the pain in her back every time she bent down to get the crumbs it did not even occur to her that she could get the cookie in any other way? It did not occur to her that she did not have to experience back pain all of these years. A whole cookie was not in her psychological make-up. She began to question her psychological inability to grasp the idea of her own entitlement. How could she enjoy a whole cookie?

She wanted to learn to prepare herself to have the whole cookie and to enjoy it. In her growing up years, no one had ever taught her that she did not have to eat crumbs. No one encouraged her or taught her how to make her own whole cookie.

We are not born with the instinctual knowledge that we deserve the whole cookie.  It is an emerging lesson taught to us by those who raise us.

With this information she very easily could go into an emotional tailspin, hovering close to the depths of depression and anxiety. She, however chose to respond differently to her insight.

She asked a lot of people, how do you make a chocolate chip cookie, and each person she asked gave her their special way of making this cookie. She went to the store, bought flour(the base of the souls life), sugar(the ability to take in the sweetness of  life), eggs( that which holds it all together), chocolate (stability and vitality in life), vanilla( flavorful choices) and some secret ingredient (we all have something that needs to belong to us and no one else), she wouldn’t even tell me!

She made many batches of cookies. Some were too dry, some were too moist and some just did not taste right. She experimented until she found the exact recipe that was right for her. She did not even know what was right for her, as she had never even asked herself this question. What do I want? What tastes good to me? Do I even like chocolate chip cookies?

When she finally made the perfect cookie for herself, she realized that she had been willing to take the crumbs off the path, never once knowing that she not only deserved the whole cookie, but could learn to make it for herself. No one could dictate to her how often she could make the cookie, what flavor the cookie had to be or even when she would eat the cookie.

Crumbs were no longer part of her repertoire. The path of the cookie crumbs changed once she observed how another took what they deserved.

Now she is her own chef. She makes many different types of cookies. Each one has its own basket. She has found her soul along the way. She metamorphosized.

Start your metamorphosis today!

*In what way have you experienced the crumbs?

*When did you realize that you needed to work on creating a different recipe so that metamorphosis could take place?

*Are the crumbs recreated in relationships?

*When you recognize the crumbs what do you do to negotiate your way to having the whole cookie?

Wizard of Oz Series, Part 2– Anger’s Journey

The Wizard of Oz is filled with wonderful archetypal images representing the parts of us that we all carry, better known as powerful roles that embody the collective unconscious. As we continue this conversation about the symbols in this story I hope we use them to explore the psyche and the varied emotions discussed as we go down the “yellow brick road” of life.  Please allow yourself the time to think about how each of the small aspects from this story affects you and are part of you

Let’s go back to when Dorothy runs from her Auntie’s house. She is in distress, filled with angst, filled with spoken and unspoken words. She runs away with her dog “Toto” in hand, somehow believing that as long as she has her faithful, loving dog, she will be safe. Yet, when the winds pick up, really a symbol of just how distraught she feels and a tornado forms, she tries to run back home. Her anger, represented by the tornado, prevents her from getting back home.  She really cannot go home until her anger is resolved.

What makes you feel anger? Think about this for a moment.

What is your relationship to anger.?

Do you get angry when things don’t go right ?

When someone has emotionally hurt or wronged you?

When expectations don’t come to fruition?

Of course, there are other reasons for anger, start to identify them. Begin this conversation with yourself. This conversation is the beginning to you learning how to cope with your anger while knowing that you do not need to run from an emerging tornado to be ok. When you face it, speak it and honor its presence, it does not have the steam to grow into more than a simple storm. Certainly, a storm  is far better than a tornado!

How does an emerging tornado feel to you? Does your stomach get tense? Are you more hungry than normal for you? Do you become very quiet? Are you grinding your teeth? Does your face flush? What are the signs that develop for you?

These signs are your tells, and can help to prevent the tornado from occurring. When you know that your anger is being tapped into, you have the ability to stop the movement of it. You have the power to be in the moment and tend to what you are feeling instead of letting it fester and grow into that tornado.

Stop running from your anger. Begin to identify it. Identify what fosters it identity. The archetype of your anger stems from a thought, a disrupting memory, or a feeling that holds you stagnate, lingering in a place that creates an angst of being stuck.

Know that as you explore your anger, find a voice to what is going on for you and share it, either with yourself or others, you will honor the emotion of your anger and it will surely dissipate.

Survivorship – Childhood Trauma – The Real Deal

We use the word “survivor” to embody having been able to live through some horrific circumstance: survived the holocaust, survived the Oklahoma City bombing, survived abuse of any kind, survived the floods in the South. The trauma that results in being a survivor is potentially long-lasting and changes the “survivor” forever.

Grief Meditations

There is no known template for how a survivor moves back into the world they knew before the traumatic personal devastation occurred. What we do know is that there is a loss of sense of self. The survivor cries out, either internally or externally, to retrieve that which is known and to replace the foreign territory with some calming, known remedy. Instinctually, we want a quick fix. We want to feel better and knock out the pain of the memories. The coping methods vary from survivor to survivor, with some reaching out to friends and family, others escaping through drugs and/or alcohol, some by becoming more private or introverted.

Yet, what happens if the survivor is a child, and does not have any skilled coping mechanisms? How do they grow up as a survivor? How have they remained hidden, and in that hiding, framed the very person they embody? How does it affect their ability to trust, their understanding of intimacy, and their ability to fully develop into a person who feels whole?

Their survivorship frames who they become, and affects whether they are able to have healthy relationships, be successful in a job, feel self-confidence, and just be comfortable in their own skin. We have many children who are survivors in our culture. They are now coming of age in a time where there is instability and fear. The culture mirrors what they feel. What they feel is real. It is important to help the survivors learn to change their perspectives, reorganizing the internal strategies of hiding and allowing them to be our teachers. They need a role that enables them to take that which hurt them and turn it into a model for survival. Their lives create the template of how they got in touch with their Lion of Courage.

We have all been children, and we have all survived. Perhaps it is time that we emerged into adulthood as being curious about the other and being teachers to all. Learning from others gives us a sense of knowing that we do not need to have all the answers. This gives birth to the template for healing and survivorship.

Grief Meditations

Wizard of Oz Series, Part 1 – Leaving The Home of Abuse

Running from life is what Dorothy did at the very beginning of her journey into her Dark Night of the Soul, as she ran from her Auntie’s house with the definitive hope that someplace has got to be better than the place she has found herself in.

“The Wizard of Oz”, is an enticing and long lasting story that encapsulates so much about life. Join me in a series of weekly blogs that root themselves in the Zen of this story while you grasp a greater understanding of you and your relationship to your soul’s journey.  Each week a different aspect of the relationship this tale has with interpersonal and emotional issues will be delved into.

Have you ever felt like you wanted to run away? Run from your family of origin, run from your work, run  from the internal voices that push you to try harder, do better or even to give up?

That is what Dorothy did at the very beginning of her journey into her Dark Night of the Soul, as she ran from her Auntie’s house with the definitive hope that someplace has got to be better than the place she has found herself in.

What is it that makes us feel that the home we know is no place for us to be. What pushes us to run away in the hope that another path or another facsimile of a home will take away the internal pain we are running from?

In the home where abuse was experienced by you as a child, no matter what type of abuse you experienced, I am sure you thought that as soon as you got out of there all  the wounds would heal—you would finally find safety.  Then, somewhere along the path of life, you realize that the haunting moments of that home, cannot simply be wiped out because of your leave-taking.

The emotional and physical scarring that took place erupts throughout your life looking like anger, fear or with you embodying the very role you ran from, the abuser. The eruption is like a volcano that lays dormant for years, building its internal steam until it erupts, at first a little bit of the eruption takes place and then there is an internal trigger that may come from left field yet affects your very being.

In trying to understand why this is happening to you, at this time in your life, you might begin to look around taking note of the people around you, what your professional life is like,  who you have relationships with and how you are living.

• Are there any parts of your life’s baskets that remind you of the home of your youth?
• Does your current environment feel as if it is out of control?
• Are you out of control?

Time to take a breath. Be mindful that each breath you take allows you to feel “you” and begin the journey to the internal home that you want to create. You have the ability to create that sense of safety and security when you dialogue with you, the adult, and you, the child.

The child that lives deep inside of you and has never left you.

Once you begin this dialogue between these two very integral parts of you, the sense of loss, confusion and angst will begin to have a voice.

Once you meet the voice you will be on your way to the ownership of wearing the ruby slippers.

Once you try them on, feeling their power, the abuse of the past will not need to continue to erupt in the present.